


Graduated Fool

by Loor



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Romance, Songfic, Stubborn Lauren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-25 03:41:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2607164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loor/pseuds/Loor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon and Lauren have been friends since they were kids. When Panic takes a break from touring, the boys visit Lauren. Things take an unexpected turn and more than one heart is broken.<br/>A lot of things change in the following two years. But what about Brendon and Lauren's feelings?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Another transfer from Mibba.  
> Bandom from quite some time ago.  
> Because Brendon Urie does not get enough love.

“N-no, stop it, Brendon! You kn-know how... how ticklish I am! P-please stop!” I yelled in between laughs.

“Okay, but only because you said please!” Brendon answered with a chuckle. He rolled of me and promptly fell of the couch and onto the floor.

I laughed and offered one hand to pull him up. Of course I ended on top of him. We couldn’t do anything but laugh for a few moments.

When we finally got up Brendon gracefully sat down. I smiled as I said down next to him. I hesitated for a second, but then I laid down and gently placed my head in Brendon’s lap. I involuntarily let out a content sigh when Brendon absentmindedly started playing with my hair.

“You guys really act like toddlers sometimes, you know that?” Spencer, who was sitting on the other couch, asked. Jon chuckled lightly from aside him and Ryan nodded in agreement from his spot on the carpet.

“Oh shut up, Spence! Remember you are a guest in my house. I can kick you out at any moment!” I playfully threatened him.

“Don’t bother, I’ll let myself out. Or well, out of your living room at least.” He grinned. “Anyone wants to play DDR?”

“I do!” Jon and Brendon answered in unison.

Without a word I lifted my head from Brendon’s lap. I watched the three of them walk out the door. “Who are the toddlers now?” I yelled after them.

“That would still be Brendon!” Jon yelled back. The amusement was clearly audible in his voice.

A smile was playing on my lips when I turned to Ryan. Ryan had watched the conversation with a hint of amusement in his eyes, but when I faced him he was just staring at me intently.

He spoke before I could ask anything about his expression. “So, when are you going to tell him?” He asked.

Although I was pretty sure the blush on my cheeks would give me away, I still tried to act like I had no idea what he was talking about. “Tell what to who, Ry?” I asked, trying to keep my tone neutral.

Ryan wasn’t able to hide a smile. “If you ever want to become a good liar, you might want to work on that blushing.” He grinned. “Don’t play dumb on me, Lauren. We both know that you know that I am talking about Brendon. You are head over heels about him.”

“I... I...” I stuttered while cursing my non-existent poker face.

I tried to come up with a clever answer, a witty comeback. My mind was blank. I couldn’t lie to Ryan and I did love Brendon. I loved Brendon ever since I realised boys didn’t have cooties. But when I finally had been ready to confess my feelings, he had proudly introduced Audrey as his girlfriend. By the time he had realised she was only there for the attention it got her, I knew I couldn’t ever tell Brendon how I felt. Because he deserved someone better than me. Someone who could actually spend time with him, even on tour. Someone who put him before everybody and anything else, putting her dreams aside to let him chase his. And because I hated seeing my best friend leave and I didn’t even want to imagine how it would feel to see my boyfriend leave.

A small cough from Ryan brought me back to reality. I hesitated before speaking.

“I don’t plan on telling him how I feel.” I simply said.

Ryan raised an eyebrow at my answer. “What do you mean you aren’t telling him?” He asked. “Why? Are you afraid he doesn’t feel the same way? I know for sure he does, Lauren! It’s so obvious he has fallen for you and...” Ryan’s rambling stopped abruptly when he saw my face. I was on the verge of tears.

“Yes, I’m scared, Ryan. But not because... You just don’t get it!” I managed to get out without spilling any tears.

“Then explain it to me!” Ryan’s voice was raised in frustration. “Explain to me why you don’t want Brendon to know how you feel. Explain why you are scared of getting into a perfectly good relationship.” He pleaded.

“Perfect...” Despite my red-rimmed eyes I still snarled. “I know the next two weeks could be absolutely perfect. But what about afterwards? You guys will continue your tour and I will stay here to finish college. You know how I hate to see you guys leave. Imagine how I would feel if Bren would be my boyfriend instead of ‘just’ my best friend.” The tears that had threatened to spill were rolling down my cheeks now. “Do you get it now, Ry? I’m not scared he doesn’t love me back. I’m scared he’ll tell me he does.”

My vision was blurry from my tears, but I saw enough of Ryan’s face to know he realised that I wasn’t telling him everything. Nevertheless, he bit his tongue and didn’t say a word. He only needed a split second to get up from the carpet and pulled me in a tight hug. I leaned into his chest and we just sat in silence for a few moments.

Hot tears were still streaming down my cheeks when someone burst through the door. I looked up and met Brendon’s eyes. He quickly took in the scene in front of him and he was by my side before I could blink. “Hey, come here!” He whispered as he pulled me in his arms.

I felt that Ryan was reluctant to let me go, but he didn’t say a thing.

“Why are you crying, love?” Brendon asked me while rubbing my back soothingly.

The mention of my nickname only caused me to sob harder. Brendon had called me ‘love’ for the first time when we were ten and we shared my ice cream because his had fallen on the ground. Neither of us understood the meaning of the word at the time. When we did learn its meaning, we were both so used to it that was kept around.

Brendon waited for a few moments. When I didn’t say anything, he spoke again. “Did Ryan do something wrong?” He asked. I didn’t need to look up to know that he would be shooting a threatening glance in Ryan’s direction.

I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at his question. In all the years that we had known each other, Brendon always assumed that someone else had done something to make me cry or make me feel sad. He never once seemed to think about the possibility that I had done something wrong, that I was the bad guy.

“No, it’s not his fault.” I assured Brendon. I took a deep breath and finally managed to stop crying.

“Then what’s wrong, love?” Brendon asked. He put a hand under my chin and pushed my face upward so I was looking at him. I prayed to God that he wouldn’t notice my blush as he caressed my cheek with his thumb to wipe away my tears.

“It’s... nothing.” I said without looking in Brendon’s eyes. I heard Ryan let out a snicker and I turned around to glare at him.

When I turned to Brendon again, I looked him straight in the eyes. “Ryan just brought up a touchy subject.” I said. My eyes drifted away again during my next sentence. “It was no big deal, I just overreacted.”

I looked back at Brendon just in time to see hurt cross over his face. I knew he realized very well that I wasn’t telling him everything. He didn’t say a word though, he just held me in his arms for a while longer.

I knew that Brendon expected me to tell him everything when I was ready. “You’ll never tell him, you liar!” The voice in my head yelled to me. I ignored it and instead leaned closer into Brendon, trying to savour the moment.

Neither Brendon nor Ryan mentioned the conversation over the course of the following days, but I knew they were both waiting for the right moment to bring it up. I knew it would only be a matter of time until one of them cornered me to address the matter again. So when Brendon walked into the living room one afternoon, I instantly realised I had run out of time to come up with a plausible explanation.

“What are you reading?” Brendon asked. His tone was casual, but we both knew it was only a facade.

“Pride and Prejudice.” I answered as I sat up, keeping my tone levelled as well. I watched Brendon sit down next to me while I marked the page I had been reading and closed the book.

“A classic.” Brendon noted. “You know, I honestly never understood the story. How can Elisabeth fall in love with such a douche bag?” A small smile was playing around his lips when he asked the question.

I knew it was just a question to direct the conversation into the direction he wanted it to take, but I couldn’t not react. “Mr Darcy is not a douche bag!” I firmly stated. I got up from the couch to put away my book. “He’s a good guy, it just takes him a while before he realizes he needs to think with his heart instead of his head.”

I was standing with my back towards Brendon and the closeness of his next words took me by surprise. “So actually they are a whole lot like us?” He whispered, his breath tickling my ear.

My own breath got caught in my throat when I felt his arms sneak around my waist. I grabbed the side of the book case to steady myself. “W-what?” I managed to stutter out.

Brendon chuckled when he noticed my reaction. He put his hands on top of mine to pry them away from the book case. A shiver went through my spine while he turned me around to face him. My arms fell to my side uselessly when he let go of my hands and placed his against the book case at my sides.

“They are actually a whole lot like us.” Brendon repeated. I noticed his voice was a strange mixture of confidence and doubt. “You are the intelligent, beautiful girl. Me, I am the good guy who only recently realized it’s okay to choose heart over mind.”

I just stood there, shocked. Unable to say or do anything except for staring at Brendon. ‘This is not happening, this is not happening...’ I repeated the words over and over in my head.

But this was really happening. And Brendon was really leaning closer and closer, up until the point where I could feel his breath on my lips.

“I have been waiting to do this for so long!” He whispered before closing the small space between us.

I stayed frozen while Brendon’s lips moved against my own. Only when I felt his cool hand on the small of my back, I seemed to understand what was going on and I wanted to give in.

Brendon, however, noticed my lack of response at the same moment I wanted to raise my hand to pull him closer. He quickly took a step back, seemingly unaware of the unhappy sigh that left my mouth.

“I... I don’t think this was a good idea...” He muttered to the ground. A blush had found its way to his cheeks.

I opened my mouth and closed it again. I didn’t know what to say. As soon as Brendon’s lips had left mine, I had realized what I had almost done.

‘I love him!’ I told the voice in my head. ‘You don’t deserve him!’ The voice simply called back.

“Brendon...” I eventually started. “Brendon, I... I can’t... I’m sorry, Bren.” I said, apologizing for something he didn’t know about.

“I understand.” He said, even though we both knew he didn’t. His voice cracked at the last syllable.

I reached out to him when he started to walk away. “Bren...” I whispered.

He stopped and turned his head to look at me. I stayed silent, not sure why I had whispered his name in the first place. My arm dropped to my side again.

He turned around without another word and I just caught a small glimpse of the tear running down his cheek. My knees buckled and I sank down onto the floor in desperation as I watched him walk away.

The next days were awkward to say the least.

Jon sensed something was bothering me, but didn’t ask any questions. Spencer tried to talk to me, but I just yelled at him. Both him and Jon avoided me as much as possible after that.

Brendon didn’t speak to me anymore. He spend most of his time sulking around the house or locked up in the guest room he shared with Ryan. It broke my heart to see him like that, but I wouldn’t, couldn’t, didn’t know how to make it better. Not in a way that wouldn’t hurt him in the long run.

I spend most of my time with Ryan. He had found me on the floor that afternoon and I had choked out a strangled “He kissed me!” before he had said anything. He had sat down next to me, pulled me close and hugged me until I stopped crying. He didn’t mention it in the next days and just tried to lighten up my mood. I much appreciated the gesture, even if it wasn’t me doing me any good.

It was a relief for all of us when the boys left to continue their tour. Jon said they could take a cab to the airport, but I insisted on driving them there. It was the least I could do to make up for the tension of the last days.

The ride to the airport was silent, each of us wrapped up in our own thoughts. At the airport we hurried inside, trying to avoid possible fans. We said our goodbyes when we arrived at the check-in.

I hugged Jon and Spencer, apologizing for the last couple of days. Off course they both shrugged it off, said it was not big deal and that I had to visit on tour as soon as possible.

Ryan’s hug was a comforting one. “I don’t want to hear it!” He warned me when I started to apologize to him as well. “Just promise me you’ll visit! I miss you already.”

“I’ll miss you too, Ry. I’ll be there as soon as I can!” I promised before releasing him.

I hesitantly turned towards Brendon. For a moment we stared at each other. Then Brendon took the two steps that separated us and pulled me close to him. It was the first time that he touched me after our kiss and I immediately felt my body relax.

“I am going to miss you so much!” Brendon whispered against my hair. “I’ll call you as soon as we arrive in Tampa!”

I wasn’t sure if it was an honest or an empty promise, but it made me feel better anyway. “You better!” I answered. “Cause I’m going to miss you a whole lot more than is healthy!” I said, managing to crack a small smile.

Walking back to my car, I felt a bit better about the situation. Hopeful that everything might turn out okay in the end.

My phone vibrated in my pocket just as I reached my car. I fished it out and looked at the message while opening my car. I felt all colour be drained from my face as I read the message.

‘Back on tour, boarding the plane to Tampa. Also, @petewentz said it right: I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself.’ Brendon’s newest twitter update read.

I sank down into my driver’s seat and rested my head on the steering wheel. So much for hoping that everything could go back to normal.

It took me 45 minutes, some tears and a lot of deeps breaths to get home. Silence embraced me as soon as I entered my house again. I knew I had to find something to keep me from constantly repeating Brendon’s words in my head.

I decided to clean the two rooms the guys had stayed in, something I normally would have postponed as long as possible. I hated cleaning. But I worked hard and thorough. It actually helped to keep my mind of things for a while. Until I pulled the sheets of the bed that Ryan and Brendon had shared and a notebook fell open on the floor.

Guessing it was Ryan’s, I picked up the book and glanced at the words curiously. I shouldn’t have.

_January 16th, 2009_   
_But I’m shaking at your touch_   
_I like you way too much_   
_My baby, I’m afraid I’m falling for you_   
_And I’d do anything to get the hell out alive_   
_Or maybe I would rather settle down with you_   
_\- Weezer says it all –_

The words, Brendon’s words, written the day before our kiss, made me want to cry again. So I did. I just laid down on the bed and cried. I cried myself to sleep that night.

I was slowly waking up the next morning when the sound of my phone ringing chased sleep away completely. The ringing stopped before I could get my phone out of my pocket.

I rubbed my eyes and let out a small yawn while looking at the screen. I had one missed call from Ryan, Spencer and Jon and twelve from Brendon. But I knew that I wasn’t ready to call him back. I wouldn’t be able to talk without crying. Not yet.

I glanced around the room with a heavy sigh. My eye fell on Brendon’s journal and suddenly an idea struck me. I realized I needed to get things out of my system and I knew the perfect way to do so.

Half an hour later I read over the paper in front of me. I was pretty sure no one would ever read, let alone hear these lyrics, but the raw and honest words made me feel better. Having them out of my system, black and white on paper, made me let out a relaxed breath. The lump in my throat was gone and the weight on my heart felt lighter as well.

And when my phone rang a few seconds later, the name on the screen didn’t scare me. I felt ready to talk, really talk, to Brendon again. For the first time in a while.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song lyrics are not original but from the song Graduated Fool by the amazing singer Anouk. Check her out!

January 2011. A lot of things have changed over the past two years.

Jon finally tied the knot with Cassie. They married in the summer of 2009. During the holidays of that year, they announced Cassie’s pregnancy. Little Thomas was born a little over a year ago.  
That was around the same time that Spencer and Haley moved in together. Spencer also popped the question the past summer. They are planning a spring wedding.

Ryan and Keltie broke up on Valentine’s day 2009, for good this time. Ryan lost his way after that, fleeing in drugs and liquor. Jon had to threaten to quit their band to get him into rehab. He has been slowly putting his life back together the past months.

Brendon seemed to have gotten over my rejection rather quickly. When I visited them on tour two months after, he introduced me to Sarah. She actually turned out to be a sweet girl and I tried to be happy for them. They lasted until the past summer.

Me? I graduated UNLV last June, top of my class. I got a PhD offer from ULA last month, which I gladly accepted. I never planned on staying in Vegas my whole life, so I was very content to move into my apartment in LA last week. Brendon especially was very pleased with the moving news. Because against all odds, we are closer than ever.

Things have been awkward for a while. We still called each other, laughed and had fun together. But there always seemed to be some sort of wall between us. Things weren’t the same anymore and for a while I thought they never would be again. Until that one night, June 2009.

I knew the boys were off tour and I planned on visiting them soon. But I had been busy with finals and I hadn’t spoken to any of the guys in the last few weeks. Imagine my surprise when the door bell rang that night and I opened the door to have Brendon fall into my arms crying.

My first thought, of course, was that he had broken up with Sarah. So I simply hugged him, trying not to be too happy, and dragged him out of the Vegas air and onto the couch.

When his sobs finally had quieted down a bit, it turned out that Sarah and him were doing great. The band, not so much.

I can’t say the split came as a shock to me. I knew the guys had barely spend time together after their tour. I had heard what all of them were working on and I had wondered how they were going to fit it all together.

But apparently Brendon hadn’t seen it coming. Or maybe he did, but just didn’t want to believe it. Either way, I didn’t bother asking him. I just held him close and let him ramble, get things of his chest. I did my best to comfort Brendon, to assure him everything was for the best.

Back then I wasn’t sure if I believed what I said myself, I just wanted to make Brendon feel better. But looking back at it now, I realize I wasn’t that far off. Panic is doing great and The Young Veins aren’t doing too bad either. The guys aren’t as close as they used to be, but they still talk on a fairly regular base. In the end, it really was all for the best.

You might wonder what happened to the song I wrote? Well, I never showed it to anyone. And I had no intention of doing so either. Even after two years it still felt too personal. Which is why nobody even knew it existed. Until about 15 minutes ago, that is.

“... So I wrote you this song, to finally tell you what you’ve known all along...” Pete’s voice drifts away as he looks up to me. “So you áre in love with Brendon!” He notes with a small smirk plastered across his face.

My nostrils flare as I take a deep breath to resist the urge to smack that smirk of Pete’s face.  
“Yes, Pete. I have fallen in love with Brendon a long time ago.” I say, trying to keep my tone levelled.

Meanwhile I silently curse Brendon for convincing me to let Pete help me unpack. If I hadn’t agreed, Pete wouldn’t have found the lyrics and we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.

When Pete speaks again, his serious tone surprises me. “Why don’t you tell him how you feel? You two are perfect for each other.”

His words immediately take me back to the conversation I had with Ryan all those years ago. I close my eyes and let out a heavy sigh.

And then I start talking. And talking. About how I feel about Brendon. How he broke my heart when he started dating Sarah; how I broke his heart two years ago. And how I don’t want to jeopardize everything we have.

Pete waits patiently until I am done talking. “Has he ever told you why he and Sarah broke up?” He simply asks when I’m done.

I shake my head in denial. “In all those years I know him, that’s the only thing he never talked to me about.” I admit. My answer causes Pete to flash a knowing smile.

“They broke up because Sarah couldn’t handle being second choice anymore. All he ever did was daydream or talk to you or about you.” He calmly explains.

He raises a hand to stop me when I open my mouth to contradict his words. “Don’t even try to argue with me!” He warns. I stare at him open-mouthed for a moment before snapping it shut.  
Satisfied, Pete goes on. “Look, I get that you might be scared. But I think you should give it a shot. You are both single, you’ll both be in LA when he comes off tour. I mean, look how you survived that kiss. Even if things don’t work out, I’m sure you won’t lose him.”

It makes sense. I’m not sure why, I’m not sure how, but Pete’s little speech makes sense. Or maybe I’ve just become too desperate to hide my feelings any longer.

“Where were you two years ago, when I really needed this speech to keep me out of the mess I made?” I ask Pete with a small smile.

Pete rewards me with a smile of his own. “So you do admit that I’m right?”

His cocky grin makes my own smile grow bigger. “Of course you are right, Wentz,” I generously admit. “But it’s been two years. Don’t you think I kind of missed my chance?”

“Remember what I said about his break up! I don’t think you missed your chance at all,” Pete easily counters my argument.

The mischievous look on his face when he gets up from the couch doesn’t predict anything good. But he doesn’t say another word as he starts unpacking boxes again like this conversation never took place.

I try to bring it up again a few times during the rest of the day, but Pete refuses to catch the bait. So yes, I am more than a little worried about Pete’s plans when I hug him goodbye. The mischievous glimmer is still clearly present in his eyes.

“Graduated fool, that is what I am, for every time I failed you...” A familiar voice sings when I pick up my phone a few days later.

“Damn you, Wentz,” I mutter under my breath. The person on the other side of the line chuckles when he hears the mix of annoyance and gratitude in my tone.

“I take it I don’t need to explain that Pete called me?” I can almost see his smile before he lets out another chuckle.

“It’s been too long since we talked! How are you doing, Ry?” I say in an attempt to dodge the conversation I see coming.

I expect Ryan to ignore my attempt, but to my surprise I get away with it. Just for now. “I know! It’s been at least three weeks, girl!” His attempt to sound like a preppy teenage girl makes me laugh out loud.

“But really, I am doing fine,” He continues in a more serious tone. “I actually went on a date last night.”

“Really, Ry? That’s great!” I earn another chuckle at the same moment I realize I may sound a bit too much like a proud mother.

“Yes mom, really,” Ryan mockingly confirms my thoughts. “And I had a great time with Z.”

Z Berg. My face turns into a fond smile at the mention of her name. She was the only one of Ryan’s new hipster friends that stuck around after he finally got into rehab. I had been suspicious at first, but she had turned out to be a really nice, genuine girl.

“She’s a good girl,” I tell Ryan. “You guys will make a great couple.” I can practically feel Ryan beam through the phone at my words.

His next words let me know he thinks I distracted him long enough now. “You know who would also make a great couple? You and Brendon! If only you had a way to show him how you feel.” The sarcasm is thick in his voice. “I don’t know, maybe you should write him a song?”

“It’s not a song, they’re just lyrics, Ryan,” I remind him. My words are followed by a heavy sigh.

“Not anymore!” Ryan says, his voice heavy with pride. “Pete sent me a picture of the lyrics and I wrote some music for it.”

I make a mental note to thank Pete later and then I am speaking before even thinking about what to say. “Sing to me, Ryan.” My words come out a whisper, a plea much more than a demand.  
I close my eyes when Ryan obeys without another word. I breath in the words, my words, as they float through the phone. Ryan’s voice is soft, and accompanied by a beautiful melody. A perfect harmony.

It is only when Ryan falls silent that I become aware of the tears on my cheeks and the lump in my throat. “It’s beautiful, Ry! It’s everything I wanted it to be.” I manage to choke out. “Thank you!” I tell him while wiping away my tears.

“Anything for you, Lauren,” Ryan says. I can hear the fond smile reflected in his voice. The emotion in his voice makes me smile in return.

“Do you have a tape of the music?” I ask, at the same time wondering when I’ll spill my feelings to Brendon. I feel nervous just thinking about it.

“I don’t,” Ryan tells me. “But I have been thinking... Panic is ending their tour with a show in LA...” His suggestive tone makes me both confused and suspicious.

“Yes...” My voice trails off as I am thinking about my next words. “Are you suggesting I should tell him there?”

A chuckle comes from the other line and when Ryan speaks, I can hear a laugh ringing through his words. “Well, I know he won’t turn you down, but after two years making a statement won’t hurt,” Ryan explains. “And what better place for a big gesture than a stage?”

I am slowly starting to understand where Ryan is headed. And I don’t like it one bit. “I don’t sing!” I firmly state.

This time Ryan lets out a real laugh. He snorts when he tries to speak. I hear him take a deep breath to calm himself down a bit.

“I know that!” He eventually manages to say, still not able to hold in another giggle. “But I do.”

And finally, finally I really understand what he is trying to say. “Would you do that?” I ask.

“Like I said, anything for you, Lauren!” Ryan tells me again.

A bright smile lights my face at his words. “You’re the best, Ry!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Will you please stop that?” Ryan asks me. He is trying to stay calm, but I can hear that he is annoyed about the constant tapping of my foot.

“Sorry.” I mumble. I try to get my foot under control while my stomach turns again.

“Don’t mind him. He’s just nervous.” Pete whispers while he slightly squeezes my knee.

I quickly nod once to show I heard him. I know Ryan is nervous. We all are. I have been fidgeting since long before we arrived at the venue. Ryan has been switching between sighs and words of annoyance for the last hour. And Jon has been pacing back and forth since we entered this room.

A few days ago I never would have thought Pete would be able to pull this off. But he did. A few calls to Zack and Spencer were all he needed to get us backstage at Panic’s LA show. To get us stuck in a small room for the past hour, nervous as hell. Nervous because we have no idea how Brendon will react to our stunt. Nervous because we want this to work out, we need this to work out. I need this to work out.

A small beep from Ryan’s phone pulls me out of my thoughts. My own phone beeps about .3 seconds later, in unison with Jon’s and shortly followed by Pete’s. We all know who the message comes from, but we pull out our phones to read it anyway. ‘Let’s get this show on the road!’ Zack’s message states.

When I look up again, three pairs of eyes are staring in my direction, all bearing a different expression. Worried, nervous, excited, and all waiting for a sign from me.

“Let’s get this show on the road!” I repeat Zack’s message, suddenly not able to come up with words of my own. No words, just three small nods as we start to make our way to the stage area.  
We arrive just in time to hear the end of Oh Glory. Ryan and Jon climb the few stairs to the side of the stage while Pete and I wait and listen to Ian’s words.

“So, sadly enough, I have to announce this is our last song. But...” Ian speaks. He waits for a moment and the crowd aww’s right on cue. “But we have a surprise for you. Spencer wants to do a favour for some friends. And therefore, Dallon and I decided to hand over our instruments for this last song.”

Even where I am standing I can hear a wave of whispers going through the audience. Spencer starts a little drum roll and then Ian finally says the words we all have been waiting for. “Let me hear you scream for Ryan Ross and Jon Walker!”

The crowd screams so hard I can barely make out Brendon’s “Wait, what?”. His reaction makes me let out a nervous chuckle.

My nerves are so on edge that I can’t pay attention to what Ryan is saying. I barely register Ian and Dallon walking off stage. I only really realize their presence when Ian quickly squeezes my shoulder when passing me. “Breathe!” Dallon whispers in my ear before following Ian.

Dallon’s words make me let out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding in. I take a few deep breaths and try to get my breathing under control. I focus on the last part of Mad as Rabbits while I try not to throw up. Why did I think this was a good idea again?

When the boys finish they get an enormous response from the crowd. Ryan tries to speak a few times, but he can’t make himself be heard. When he finally speaks, I can hear the smile in his voice. “You know, while this is really fun, this is not what got us here.”

Only after Pete pulls on my sleeve, I remember this is our cue. I have to take a last deep breath before following Pete.

Shane smiles at me when I stop next to him. He gently squeezes my hand, trying to assure me everything will be fine. I can only offer him a weak smile in return before turning my attention to the stage.

Ryan is just finishing his announcement. “This song is called Graduated Fool and it’s all for you, Brendon.”

_Graduated fool, that is what I am_  
 _For every time I failed you_  
 _You’re so beautiful, I just turned and walked away_

For a moment the world seems to stop. No screams, no whispers, not a single sound from the crowd. The world only seems to consist of Ryan and his guitar. Ryan and Brendon staring at him with big, surprised, scared eyes.

And then, the next moment, the crowd seems to awake again. “Ryden, Ryden...” It starts out slowly, just one or two people repeating the word. But soon the entire crowd is chanting, without a clue of what is actually going on.

I hear Pete gasp beside me. I don’t need to look at him to know his facial expression. Horror is written on both of our faces. Our plan is failing big time.

_I jingle with words, tangle my tongue_  
 _Stammering stutters_  
 _So I wrote you this song, to finally tell you_  
 _What you’ve known all along..._

Ryan stubbornly keeps singing, even though I can see the terror in his eyes. He tries not to show how much the crowd’s response is getting to him.

Towards the end of the second verse, it seems that Brendon can’t bear to look at Ryan any longer. His eyes search Spencer’s, Jon’s, before flashing to the side of the stage.

“I love you,” I mouth along with Ryan when Brendon’s eyes finally stop and focus on mine. “Believe in me, believe me.”

_It was true devotion, now these mixed emotions_  
 _Oh, I did it again_  
 _I want you to forgive me, when the pain has faded_  
 _We’ll be laughing again_  
 _Believe in me_

Ryan keeps on singing, and it is clear that the tension in his voice is gone now that Brendon finally spotted me.

Brendon looks from me to Ryan and back again. Understanding is written all over his face and he shoots me a big smile before turning to face Ryan again.

_Graduated fool, I’m better than I am_  
 _For that is what you made me_  
 _Please, hold back your tears_  
 _I didn’t deserve you anyway_  
 _Believe in me, I still care for you, believe me_  
 _Just believe in me, believe me_

“Thank you!” Brendon mouths to Ryan after putting down his guitar. Then he turns again and starts walking in my direction. Slowly, as if he is scared that I will disappear if he blinks or walks to quickly.

“When I kiss your face again, all these mixed emotions of pleasure and pain,” I whisper along with my song when Brendon finally reaches me. “I want you to forgive me, when the pain has faded, we’ll be laughing again.”

_Believe in me, you’re beautiful, believe me  
 _Just believe in me, believe me__

While Ryan finishes the song, Brendon’s hand reaches out to touch my face. It seems that he doesn’t realize I am really standing in front of him until his fingers brush over my cheek.

And then suddenly there’s a hand behind my back, pulling me closer. And the world disappears around me. Somewhere in the distance I can hear noise from the crowd and the clicking of Shane’s camera. But all I consciously register is the feeling of Brendon’s lips moving against mine.  
And this time I don’t hesitate to react. Within seconds I am pulling Brendon as close as possible. One of my hands gets lost in his hair, while the other one is resting on the inch of exposed skin between his shirt and his jeans.

When we break apart and I slowly open my eyes, for a moment all I can see is Brendon’s beautiful, smiling face. Then slowly the rest of our surroundings become less blurry. Ryan, Spencer and Jon are still on stage, smiling like crazy. I laugh when Pete gives us a thumbs up. A proud, almost fatherly smile is spread across his face. Ian grumbles when him and Dallon join us and he notices Brendon’s hands resting on my hips. “I told you so!” Zack tells him. Ian just grumbles again before pulling out his wallet and handing Zack 20 dollars.

I laugh again, and then I realize that Shane is still taking pictures. “We better not end up on the internet!” I threaten him with a smile.

Shane lowers his camera with a smile. “I think it’s a little late for that.” He says with a nod in the direction of the audience.

When I follow his gaze I realize that every camera in the audience is directed at us. “Fan girls all over the world are going to hate me!” I groin, fake despair thick in my voice.

Brendon lets out a chuckle. “Of course,” He says with a smile. “After all, you are dating the hottest guy on the planet.”

I smack him playfully in the arm, earning a pout. “You are such a dork!” I laugh.

“And that’s just the way you like me, love!” Brendon states with another smile.

“That’s just the way I love you, Bren,” I correct him, causing his smile to grow even bigger.

He slowly leans closer. “I love you too, Lauren. Always have, always will.” He whispers against my lips before capturing them again in another perfect kiss.


End file.
